Contemplative thought #1. It is horrible to feel undesired.
Contemplative thought #2. (In relation to contemplative thought #1) The desire to be more attractive than one already is, and the disappointment one feels when the accomplishment of said desire is unfullfilled. Therefore leading to the horrible feeling of being undesirable, made worse only by the fact that you saw a beautiful, flawless individual walk past.
Contemplative thought #3. Fishing for complements is never a sufficent boost for the ego. They must be spontanious and unexpected.
Contemplative thought #4. Lust.
Contemplative thought #5. (In relation to contemplative thought #4) The memory of lust or that of a lustful event should be dwelled on momentarily and then hastily forgotten.
Contemplative thought #6. Questions lead to answers. Depending upon the question (and the wording of said question) determins the structure of the answer. To accomplish a certain answer, think carefully about structuring a question.
She knows that this day's been long over due Now as the tears fall down her face The pain is real and it's starting to show
She says I know We're not gonna make it (We're not gonna make it) Until the lines that divide start to fade away
And with a whisper she mumbles through I guess they just won't accept me and you They see a difference in skin But I thought that love was always true Who would have known? That in a search for a parent's love Her happiness though is just not enough (Not enough) She tries to keep it inside But through these hopeless eyes the world isn't mine
A new song I've found. In my opinion. Utterly fantastic. Repetitive, and in a new genre that's been made up by myself and the better half, very "Jumpcore". But utterly fantastic none the less.
Emotional break downs are the topic today. How utterly happy and cheerful.
This blog shan't be as long as previous ones, I just have this song, and very few simple words to blog.
It hurts. You can feel yourself breaking. Crying. And the tears flow so easily. Suddenly everything around you is wrong, everything hurts. The people around you dissolve into the oblivion that your minds creating. Your eyes are vacant, full of water, completely unseeing. Your arms are limp, your legs have crumpled. Everything is hopeless, everything is unfair.
Please, talk to people. Let it out. Get them to give you their advice, even if you think it's bullocks, it's better then letting your mind think itself into destruction.
This is a horrid live recording. The production on their album "Where you want to be" is so much more powerful. But regardless, Taking Back Sunday is a fantastic band, with strong lyrics and have made excellent use out of the harmony of two singers. Quite like story of the year, the back up singer seems to do better then the front man, but that does not at all seem evident on their album.
However much i would LOVE to talk about how much i love this band, this is not at all the purpose of this blog entry. The lyrics in this song, do contribute to the over all entirety of my topic which will be explained after the lyrics have been recited for you:
I wait around for the "Still small center" From saint to sinner Well which one is it? Just who do you think you are? (Just who do you think you are?)
Well who did you call to get this? Well is it who I think it is? I swear to god I'm gonna kill him.
You always knew it was on purpose Yeah what's the point if it don't serve it's purpose "Splintered but focused" you're as good as gold You're built from distractions so brilliantly dull I had a better friend in my worst of plans Than I ever had in either one of you.
Well I never made a scene Well they came to me I never made a scene (I didn't have to) Well they came to me I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene
I always hoped to avoid the issues Got me alone so I couldn't address you Home is where you make it, Love, Don't get yourself confused Besides what's it to you? I traded my conscience for your For your confidence Attacked my lungs with lies to pass the time Made states move like regular days
I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene
I never made a scene Well they came to me I never made a scene Well they came to me
I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene I didn't have to, I didn't have to Well I never made a scene
The extraordinary amount of power i gather from this song, would have to lie within the abrasive and forward words from the second verse, which i have highlighted in a pretty pink :) and also the chorus, the constant chant "Well i never made a scene / They came to me / I didn't have to." also rounds out my topic rather nicely.
The topic which by now I'm sure your mighty curious about, if you weren't you would have already stopped reading :) is "Family".
Now I'm going to approach this is two different ways:
Blood related family
AND;
Chosen family.
Point One:
Now, blood related family cannot be chosen, you have to love what you got, because they are related so. HOWEVER, this does not mean you have to love their personality. I love my mother BECAUSE she is my mother, and i wish i could lover her as a friend as well, but as it turns out i cannot. She makes life difficult for me, and i have left. In this case, refer to pink highlighted verse from "The Union". This wonderful lyric describes in a metaphorical way (the way i love to address these picky matters that shouldn't be discussed at a distinguished dinner party along with sex, politics and religion) the relationship i have with my mother.
Taking Back Sunday may have had a completely different intention for these particular lyrics in this particular song, but one cannot help how one associates, and regardless of the purpose, they have helped me understand.
The verse: "I always hoped to avoid the issue" very clear in relation to mother dearest. As i have developed the nifty habit of forgetting painful things and moving on, where as she has not. In knowing this, talking to her is a very delicate process in which i try hard to keep conversations general as possible. "Got me alone so i couldn't address you" relates back to a few Saturdays ago, when i thought I'd be brave and stay the night without Aurey (the better half) in an effort to reestablish connections and good faith. This however turned to shit, and i was verbally abused and cried at to the point i felt so uncomfortable i left. Mother shall not be talked to, she talks at you. "Cause home is where you make it, Love" This is true of every situation, for everyone. This is just a universally fantastic line. And very true in regards of my mum. I left the situation, not her. The 'home' i lived in didn't feel like 'home'. That's one reason i left. I'd made Aurey's feel more like home. "Don't get yourself confused" use of enjambment, continuation of the idea and the line before. Not much to expand upon on this line, though i wish i was addressing mother with this blog entry, i would hope she learned from this. I doubt it though. "I traded my conscience for your / For your confidence." Very very symbolic of the effort given to making this relationship work. I would sacrifice my sanity for some sort of level of understanding. "Attacked my lungs with lies to pass the time" as though being upset has truly become an addiction. That in spare time, that should be used to relax, your on the phone to me, abusing me and telling me how much I've hurt you. It does indeed make it hard to breath. "Made states move like regular days" Now this line is debatable in its reasoning. They could be talking about states literally, as in States of America, or figuratively, as in states of mind and emotion. This is left debatable.
The chorus: "Well I never made a scene / Well they came to me /I never made a scene (I didn't have to)" to me, translates exactly what family, and in this case, my mother, does. You don't have to do anything, they (mum) is there from the beginning, she "came to me" with this mess, and i didn't have to "make a scene".
Point Two:
Chosen family. May be choosing a completely different family, friends as closer confidants than family, or choosing a different part of ones own blood family to confide in. For me, family consists of the Roberts'. The Aunty's and Uncle's and cousins, and those that have married into the Roberts'. And the close friends. The boyfriend and his immediate family. My best friend, pretend little brother who is only that because he is such a close friend and then my old friend that have stuck with me through more then a decade of shit.
I bitch about my life a lot. But i actually am quite happy with it. I have what i need, and needs are better met then wants.
Aurey mother is very intelligent and opinionated women who i have a great deal of respect for. And in closing to this rather long and personal blog, i will finish by one of the best and one of the most wise quotes i have heard:
"Is it better to live with a lot of possessions and bad company, or be in good company with little possessions? Which will ultimately make you happier?"
Hm, what do we have here? A fail. An EPIC fail. Silly people and not looking where they're driving. I enjoy driving through bus stops on my trips through the city also.
I'm obviously joking. I'm not any different. I'm on my Red Provisional Licence, mind you i never have my P's on, they keep getting lost and I'm just not at all bothered to replace them, and i have had two crashes in the short time i have had my P's. One was a rear end-er, i honestly couldn't help someone barging themselves up my arse, though the second was my fault.
As a result however, i stopped driving for several months, and refused to be comforted or conned back into getting behind the wheel, until father went and bought me a nice little bomb i could crash for my 18th.
However, i found that i didn't WANT to crash it, and even though i've gotten very angry at my little bomb, it does me well... When it wants to.
I have found that, through the means of me driving more, i have developed road rage. Makes my friends giggle and shit themseleves, but thats about as positive as it gets.
I've discovered that Australian's can't drive for shit. And this shits me.
I've become a lot more cautious as a driver through my experience of accidents, and it upsets me that others cannot follow simple road rules.
Blinkers are a useful indicator (lol at pun) to show direction.. USE THEM
Speed limits in black with a gigantic red rings around them on a big white sign aren't there to make everything look more scenic.. STICK TO THEM (it shits me that people who go under or over and then tale gate, that will be expanded further upon later)
Lanes are seperated with white lines.. THIS IS SO THEY STAND OUT AGAINST THE BLACK TAR OF THE ROAD! NOT SO YOU CAN HAVE FUN PLAYING OVER THEM
High beams are used for when you can't see jack shi standing in the middle of the road. NOT SO YOU CAN BLIND THE PERSON IN FRONT TO MAKE THEM GO FASTER, THIS IS COMPLETELY PATHETIC.
Finally, horns. I believe their origional intention was to warn people to move.
NOT TO BEEP T HOT CHICKS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD OR TO MAKE SOMEONE HURRY UP IF THEY HAVENT ALREADY FLOORED IT THE SECOND THE LIGHT GOES GREEN!
I respect elders, and their caution in driving and going 30 under the speed limit, and i respect Learner Drivers on the highway and their speed limit of 80.
I do NOT respect ute drivers who got 50 OVER the limit cause they think their top shit. You really can't be top shit if when you drive past your blasting Beyonce in your lowered ute with custom 22" chrome rims and a customised number plate that says PLAYR.
Everyone problem is they want to be where ever they're going 5 minutes before they're leave. Not everyone's like this. So respect others on the road.
Respect that people with little bombs like mine don't have a 1 second 0 - 100 fast engine. Respect that there ARE elderly, and Learners on the road. Understand beeping in a line full of traffic isn't goin to make the red lights change any faster or get you anywhere.
Shit happens.
Put on music and chill out! You only live for a short time. You live wishing you had more, when you've just wasted the time you've had being negative and impatient?
